I distinctly remember my first introduction to One Direction, when I was 11 years old. It was the “What Makes You Beautiful” music video, with Liam Payne singing the opening lines. Little did I know that from this moment on, supporting the band would shape a key aspect of my pre-teen and teenage years.
A little over 10 years later, on the 16th of October I woke up to a one-word message from my best friend. Under that, was a BBC announcement that Liam Payne had tragically lost his life, aged 31 in a hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
I spent much of yesterday re-living all my memories of when I was a Directioner (a One Direction fan). I grew up in Mumbai, and sadly, the band never performed in India. Merchandise was not available either, and I distinctly remember my father buying me a few t-shirts and books from one of his work trips abroad, which, as it happens, I have to this very day. My time after school, when not doing homework, was dedicated to listening to their newest music, watching their famous “video diaries”, and dreaming about the day I would finally watch them live.
I am aware that recently, before his passing, Liam had been in the news because of a fictional book published by his ex-girlfriend based on her relationship with him. It discussed aspects of their relationship such as abuse, harassment, and details which might be triggering to some readers. Eventually, she issued a cease and desist against him last week due to harassment from him. Further, after the band split up, stories about Liam being violent with his mates emerged. So, like many other celebrities, Liam too had negative qualities about him.
On my commute yesterday, I started scrolling on X, where my timeline was all about his passing. Sadly, I saw a few tweets that said he ‘deserved to die’ because of everything he put his ex-girlfriend through, and others which trolled his fans for mourning his death. And this made me very upset.
It is rather complicated to deal with these conflicting feelings, when someone who I have respected so much as an artist in my teenage years has then done horrible things. When he was part of One Direction, he was young; but, as he grew, he became quite a different person, who caused harm to others. This brings me back to what I discussed in this article a few months ago, where I said that we cannot wear rose-coloured glasses when we support celebrities, . We need to be aware of their negative qualities, and, when they do bad things, we do not need to defend them.
Liam was part of a band that broke records and made history. He was a great musician, who, according to reports, was making a conscious effort to mend his life, such as his relationship with his son. He was an important part of so many of our lives growing up. Seeing that pictures of his body had been acquired by TMZ, and the fake videos circulating, at a sensitive time when his family was coming to terms with his loss, infuriated me. Where is the empathy? Just because he was a celebrity, no one has the right to violate his privacy, especially in death.
In 2019, he opened up about his experience with loneliness and poor mental health, often resorting to alcohol and other substances as a coping mechanism. In relation to his death, news reports said Argentinian police was responding to reports of ‘an aggressive man who may have been under the effects of drugs and alcohol’ based on a phone conversation with the Manager of the hotel where Liam was staying.
As I reflect, I realise that so many stars who rose to fame in their teenage years or early twenties, fell victim to alcohol and substance abuse as adults. like Amy Winehouse, and Demi Lovato. Coping with fame can be a challenging experience anyway - coping with the pressures of adolescence coupled with constantly being in the limelight can undoubtedly affect mental health. Liam is one such celebrity who sadly fell victim to this.
My fondest memories of One Direction
One of the reasons why I have written this article is to reflect on the amazing memories I have made because of One Direction, and to celebrate the life of Liam. If you, like me, grew up with them, I’m sure some of these will bring a smile to your face. I am currently writing this piece as I listen to “Night Changes”, feeling particularly emotional.
Here is a photograph of 12-year-old me, proudly posing with my newly acquired One Direction book. As I mentioned earlier, merchandise in India was unavailable. I distinctly remember my dear dad, in between a jam-packed day of meetings on a work trip, went to a pop-up store in New York city, just to buy his tween daughter merchandise of this boyband she loved so much. I can just imagine how he might have been the oldest in the shop by many years, in a suit and tie, surrounded by other tween fans.
I remember when their This is Us movie was released, and how my best friend and I were two giddy girls off to the theatres like grownups. Now that I think of it, not even the Taylor Swift Eras tour film instils the same feeling in me.
Just like every other Directioner, when I hear words like “Kevin” and “No! Jimmy protested” my mind automatically plays the infamous video diaries in my head.
Back then, we didn’t have streaming services like Netflix and Prime. When music awards were scheduled, due to time differences, I could never watch them live. So, I’d record them onto my tv and watch them so passionately when I got back from school the next day.
As I think about all these memories, I can’t help but be emotional. I never expected that we would lose someone from the band so soon. I always imagined a potential reunion decades later, when I would be a grown woman, perhaps a mother, telling my child about all these amazing memories. But, for now, I can only say, “Just how fast the night changes”.
Last evening, all the members of the band put out a joint statement honouring Liam, and it was so sad to see that they had reunited under such sad circumstances.
Rest in peace Liam, you will forever be remembered.