The unexpected effects of alcohol withdrawal
Disclaimer: This article offers an in-depth, personal perspective on experiences with alcohol dependence and withdrawal symptoms. If you or someone you know is facing similar challenges, please seek professional medical support.
Sam Thomas is a writer, campaigner and public speaker. You can find him on social media and read more of his work here: https://linktr.ee/samthomas8186
My name is Sam Thomas, and I have a gecko, a baby chameleon, four tarantulas, a “therapy” scorpion, and I am a recovering alcoholic. As it happens, at 39 years of age, I am in recovery from many things, including bulimia, OCD and Complex PTSD - the latter being the fuel to the fire for my unhealthy coping strategies over the years. I have previously published on Inspire The Mind, and in this article, I would like to share with you a bit more about my journey to recovery.
The first hallucination hits you the hardest because you are really not expecting it. Forty-eight hours in, the worst of the physical symptoms peak: the shakes, fever, nausea and general feeling of malaise. At first, you may think you have some weird tropical disease or alien virus that makes you feel physically sick and lose the plot at the same time - it feels utterly surreal.
SMOKING KILLS. Unlike cigarette packets, which are legally obliged to warn you of the dangers on the label in the UK, we are left to our own devices with alcohol. Of course, it’s common knowledge that booze is bad for you. To be fair, nearly everything is bad for us if we indulge in it excessively.
But how many people know that suddenly stopping drinking could be potentially lethal if you drink every day?
How it began...
It often surprises people when I tell them that I didn't start drinking until I was 24.
I attempted to drink twice when I was eighteen, but I quickly realised that I disliked it, so I chose to abstain from alcohol completely. However, my perspective changed when my best friend at the time thought it would be amusing to mix vodka into my diet coke without my knowledge. Following that incident, I started drinking on a regular basis, and within a year, I found myself consuming two or three glasses of wine every evening while working from home. By the time I turned 27, this habit had gradually escalated to two or three bottles.
When I reached thirty, I was aware that my drinking had become excessive, but I was in total denial about any impact it might be having. My only concern was that I had fallen out of the habit of going to the gym. As the managing director of a charity I have founded, “Men Get Eating Disorders Too!,” I appeared to be "functioning" albeit dysfunctional - which in retrospect was probably one of the early signs of my alcoholism. In the absence of any visible outward signs that my drinking was "overspilling," why would I be any the wiser?
The first episode…
The first time any indication that my drinking had caught up with me came 36 hours after I had decided to stop, with the intention of getting back to the gym. While in London on an extremely hot day in July 2016, I couldn't ignore how awful I was feeling. I was sweltering, with sweat dripping off me as I travelled to my destination on the underground. As I stood up to get off the train at Edgware Road tube station, I noticed that my body wasn't doing what I was telling it to, and my reactions were slowed down. This was the first sign that I knew something was wrong. It was as if there was a disconnect between my brain, body, and ability to move - almost like an out-of-body experience. Clambering off the train, I somehow made it to street level and the exit.
My anxiety was through the roof and, in total panic, I found sanctuary in a coffee shop opposite the station. At this point, I tried to hold the glass of water to my mouth to drink it, but I kept spilling the water on myself. A lady sitting at the table opposite was looking at me curiously. "Do you need help? You look like you're in trouble?" she said, after a short while. She introduced herself and it turned out she was an off-duty nurse from St Mary's Hospital. "Do you know what's wrong with you?" she asked. "No," was my short but breathless reply. All I could think of was that I may be having a reaction to something, but I wasn't allergic to anything. The next minute I passed out, and then I was in an ambulance arriving at the hospital.
The realisation…
Unfortunately, it would take until the third subsequent hospital visit in November 2016 that it was confirmed my previous episodes of illness were serious alcohol withdrawal. "You're over the threshold," were the words of the specialist medic from the local drug and alcohol service. "You need to be referred for a detox, possibly as an inpatient given the severity of your withdrawals," he continued. Until now, it hadn't even occurred to me that drinking was causing me to be ill - more specifically, cutting back on my drinking too quickly or stopping drinking abruptly (e.g. going "cold turkey"). "It's really important that you continue to keep drinking to prevent any further episodes," he stressed, which, at first seemed like confusing medical advice. Admittedly, it took me a while to get my head around this, not realising that my nervous system would go into shock (i.e. alcohol withdrawal) if I went for more than a day without drinking.
The worst of my symptoms were severe hallucinations (sometimes known as "delirium tremens"). They got worse the more I relapsed after repeated detoxes, and my symptoms were exacerbated by malnutrition. Typically, the hallucinations would be of spiders and crab-like creatures that I could physically feel crawling all over me. These episodes were terrifying, but I couldn’t recall how long they would last. In November 2019, I experienced my last hallucination involving bats, which incidentally was during the COVID-19 outbreak. It would prompt my fourth and hopefully final detox, a few months before the pandemic.
You’re not alone…
There will be many people like myself who are “over the threshold” and may be suffering in silence. They may have unexplained symptoms after a few days of abstaining. Or they may have caved in and gone back to drinking, not knowing why. Upon reflection, if I had known about the brutal reality of alcoholism sooner, I would have managed to embrace recovery sooner too.
Now, over five years sober, I want to share my story so that others realise they are not alone. If I've learned anything, it's that addiction thrives on isolation and secrecy, which is all the more reason we need to talk about it without shame. With many more sober years ahead of me, I've concluded that recovery has to be more compelling than the addiction ever was.
If you are concerned about your own drinking, it is vital you speak with a GP and follow medical advice. You can also self-refer to your local drug and alcohol use service, or NHS offers prevention programmes such as the Alcohol Dependency Programme. For me, it began with referring myself to Change Grow Live, and undergoing trauma therapy - you can find recovery, too.
